Best story ever...
I'm posting this story because it's easily the funniest thing that's ever happened to me, enjoy...
(for the record this took place in early December 2004)
My wife's family and I went out to dinner last Saturday night to celebrate my sister in law's birthday. As is tradition in the family, my sister in law was allowed to select the venue for the party and she chose the Michigan Shores Club (swanky private club on the north shore of Chicago). My wife and I picked up her parents, valet'd the car, and met my sister in law and her husband in the Oak Room for dinner. Anyway, it seemed to be a typical night at the club, snooty old white people, young asian and jewish families the oldsters are pissed about having to let in, and a tremendous hispanic waitstaff. After dinner, the six of us headed downstairs to retrieve our cars from the valet. At one point in the hallway between the Oak Room and the front door we noticed a faint smell that could only be described as sewage. The smell seemed to be localized in the hallway. The bathrooms and locker rooms were nearby so I figured someone must have dropped a bomb and then had a bit of a ass vapor trail as they returned to their dinner. My wife and her parents stopped at the club's front desk to look at the recent announcements while I proceeded to the valet stand to get the car. The three, high school/college, age valets were in the vestibule with a look of horror, laughter, and astonishment on their faces. They clearly were witnesses to something worth knowing about but they weren't very forthcoming with information. I started to ask them questions and once they opened up it was all worth the effort. Here's how the conversation went:
Q: Hey fellas. What's the joke?
Valet 1: Nothing, nothing, something funny happened (he then grabs my keys and then goes to retrieve the car, but not before fashioning a make-shift gas mask with his shirt collar before going through the front door.)
Q: Come on. I can tell something funny happened. I won't tell on you guys.
Valet 2: You see that? (motioning to a steaming PILE right outside the front door, right next to a planter, right in the footpath)
Q: Did a horse just come through?
Valet 3: Ummm, no...
Q: Somebody walking a dog?
V2: Nope, about 2 minutes ago an old drunk dude stumbled out the door, leaned over to the side and puked right there.
Q: No way
V2:...and then he paused, dropped his pants, and took a dump. Right there...right outside the door. Then he pulled up his pants and went right back in.
Q:?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
Un-freakin-believable. The best part is that there were no other events going on so the odds are that Dr. Disgusto went right back to eating dinner with his family. Of course this also explains the vapor trail that we encountered in the hallway. To further the mystery the guy had to walk by at least 2 possible bathrooms before he reached the front door, and he could have made it to numerous bushes and the lawn if he was willing to move 6' from where he let loose. Anyway, that's my story. One thing we determined is that there are only 2 types of people that can drop trou and lay cable in full view of the public without repercussions, the homeless and the FILTHY rich.
(for the record this took place in early December 2004)
My wife's family and I went out to dinner last Saturday night to celebrate my sister in law's birthday. As is tradition in the family, my sister in law was allowed to select the venue for the party and she chose the Michigan Shores Club (swanky private club on the north shore of Chicago). My wife and I picked up her parents, valet'd the car, and met my sister in law and her husband in the Oak Room for dinner. Anyway, it seemed to be a typical night at the club, snooty old white people, young asian and jewish families the oldsters are pissed about having to let in, and a tremendous hispanic waitstaff. After dinner, the six of us headed downstairs to retrieve our cars from the valet. At one point in the hallway between the Oak Room and the front door we noticed a faint smell that could only be described as sewage. The smell seemed to be localized in the hallway. The bathrooms and locker rooms were nearby so I figured someone must have dropped a bomb and then had a bit of a ass vapor trail as they returned to their dinner. My wife and her parents stopped at the club's front desk to look at the recent announcements while I proceeded to the valet stand to get the car. The three, high school/college, age valets were in the vestibule with a look of horror, laughter, and astonishment on their faces. They clearly were witnesses to something worth knowing about but they weren't very forthcoming with information. I started to ask them questions and once they opened up it was all worth the effort. Here's how the conversation went:
Q: Hey fellas. What's the joke?
Valet 1: Nothing, nothing, something funny happened (he then grabs my keys and then goes to retrieve the car, but not before fashioning a make-shift gas mask with his shirt collar before going through the front door.)
Q: Come on. I can tell something funny happened. I won't tell on you guys.
Valet 2: You see that? (motioning to a steaming PILE right outside the front door, right next to a planter, right in the footpath)
Q: Did a horse just come through?
Valet 3: Ummm, no...
Q: Somebody walking a dog?
V2: Nope, about 2 minutes ago an old drunk dude stumbled out the door, leaned over to the side and puked right there.
Q: No way
V2:...and then he paused, dropped his pants, and took a dump. Right there...right outside the door. Then he pulled up his pants and went right back in.
Q:?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
Un-freakin-believable. The best part is that there were no other events going on so the odds are that Dr. Disgusto went right back to eating dinner with his family. Of course this also explains the vapor trail that we encountered in the hallway. To further the mystery the guy had to walk by at least 2 possible bathrooms before he reached the front door, and he could have made it to numerous bushes and the lawn if he was willing to move 6' from where he let loose. Anyway, that's my story. One thing we determined is that there are only 2 types of people that can drop trou and lay cable in full view of the public without repercussions, the homeless and the FILTHY rich.
posted by QDogg at 1:42 PM
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