Tips for expecting and new dads...
As a new father (my daughter is ~3months old), and a husband of a recently pregnant woman, I will offer tips from time to time to help out anyone else in this predicament. Here’s the first…
DON’T PUT MATERNITY CLOTHES IN THE DRYER
I have a theory that the women (not to be sexist, but my Dad never did laundry, and neither did most of his cohorts) of the upper midwest got together sometime between 1975 – 1990 and decided to enact a new social construct, whereas they would not teach their daughters how to properly do laundry. This ensured that the boys that grew up during this period would be well versed in separating clothes and using appropriate water and dryer temperatures. In my case, the lessons were learned in the laundry room of my freshman dorm (Bursley rules). The women of this generation were seemingly taught, when faced with doing laundry for their cohabitators, to disregard any sort of laundry rules. Group all colors, wash everything in hot water, and dry at nuclear temps. This would ensure the demise of at least one of the man’s cherished items (a 1996 Michigan Football T-shirt in my case), which would trick the man into taking over control of the laundry responsibilities. This allowed me to develop a pretty efficient system over the years. That is until maternity clothes started showing up in the hamper about a year ago.
Maternity clothes are finicky. Exotic, stretchy materials and low supply can amplify the smallest mistakes. Many require the dreaded "pull out method" to ensure that they don’t get put into the dryer with all the other clothes. Anyone with half a brain knows the "pull out method" works marginally at best, something is always bound to slip through. Why do you think hard-core Catholics always end up with a couple dozen kids? In my case it was 3 all-cotton short sleeve shirts. I mistakenly placed them into the dryer then went to the park to shoot some hoops (you can’t stop my flow on the court… you can’t even contain it). I returned to the hacienda to fold the laundry, and to my horror discovered that I had decimated about two-thirds of my pregnant wife’s summer wear. Bad times. After this incident all maternity clothes went right to the drying racks, better safe than sorry.
Now I thought I had it down. No more maternity clothing shrinkage, and when my daughter was officially welcomed to the planet I figured I was home free. Then nursing wear started showing up in the hamper I knew it wasn’t over, it was only the beginning.
DON’T PUT MATERNITY CLOTHES IN THE DRYER
I have a theory that the women (not to be sexist, but my Dad never did laundry, and neither did most of his cohorts) of the upper midwest got together sometime between 1975 – 1990 and decided to enact a new social construct, whereas they would not teach their daughters how to properly do laundry. This ensured that the boys that grew up during this period would be well versed in separating clothes and using appropriate water and dryer temperatures. In my case, the lessons were learned in the laundry room of my freshman dorm (Bursley rules). The women of this generation were seemingly taught, when faced with doing laundry for their cohabitators, to disregard any sort of laundry rules. Group all colors, wash everything in hot water, and dry at nuclear temps. This would ensure the demise of at least one of the man’s cherished items (a 1996 Michigan Football T-shirt in my case), which would trick the man into taking over control of the laundry responsibilities. This allowed me to develop a pretty efficient system over the years. That is until maternity clothes started showing up in the hamper about a year ago.
Maternity clothes are finicky. Exotic, stretchy materials and low supply can amplify the smallest mistakes. Many require the dreaded "pull out method" to ensure that they don’t get put into the dryer with all the other clothes. Anyone with half a brain knows the "pull out method" works marginally at best, something is always bound to slip through. Why do you think hard-core Catholics always end up with a couple dozen kids? In my case it was 3 all-cotton short sleeve shirts. I mistakenly placed them into the dryer then went to the park to shoot some hoops (you can’t stop my flow on the court… you can’t even contain it). I returned to the hacienda to fold the laundry, and to my horror discovered that I had decimated about two-thirds of my pregnant wife’s summer wear. Bad times. After this incident all maternity clothes went right to the drying racks, better safe than sorry.
Now I thought I had it down. No more maternity clothing shrinkage, and when my daughter was officially welcomed to the planet I figured I was home free. Then nursing wear started showing up in the hamper I knew it wasn’t over, it was only the beginning.
posted by QDogg at 3:12 PM
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